The Magic of Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone
The wonderful ladies at Readstoration recently gave me the honour of writing a piece for them, the only request was that it was to come for the heart. I shared my own journey of stepping out of my comfort zone and the heart piece can be found on their website and also below.
The Magic of Stepping out of my Comfort Zone
Faye Danuta Empowerment Coach at AvalonSoul
The Sun is shining outside, and roses in all colours are blooming in the condominium, filling the Spring air with a fragrance full of hope, love, light, memories and so much more. My heart is filled with joy and love as the May spring breeze blows coolly through the apartment, giving some light reprieve to the heat outside. It has been years and a very long journey to feel this at peace with myself, with the World.
Being an Aquarian and a rather tenacious child I was never one to fit in to social norms, I liked being different and proving people wrong, no matter what, if I wanted to do it, I did (later did I realise, I would come to call this living my true nature and purpose, not rebellion), sometimes this would backfire and I learnt a valuable lesson. As a child, I saw the world as a wondrous and magical place however as time went on the dark clouds soon overshadowed this innocence and eventually tore it away. I experienced things and met people that dampened and tried to control my free spirit. I was told I was too emotional, (I didn’t realise I was an empath), that I had a vivid imagination (It was not recognised that I was a mystic) by creativity was being quashed. I attracted narcissistic men (and sometimes female co-workers) into my life, who decided I needed fixing, that I was stupid and worthless, that my beliefs and values and outlooks were stupid. Over time, I began to believe I was the person people were continually accusing me of being. I lost me; I began to think showing the emotions I once did was a weakness, I shut down and stopped letting many people in and wore black in an attempt to make myself invisible. Only a handful of people to this day truly know the real me.
One Day I woke up and realised that I was no longer being true to myself, I lived in an area and worked a job that gave me very little joy and new Projects and Companies quickly bored me, when I realised they were all run by fear, that it was hard for women to break through the glass ceiling and even those that had, were reluctant to relinquish their power and control. I felt lost, caged and out of place. However, have no fear I managed to change this around, in a number of ways and what I felt was impossible became possible once again. I was choosing to accept these behaviours towards me and choosing to have these people in my life. How did I do this, I left the past behind, removed the negativity from my life and re-evaluated my tribe. Eventually, I would move to Spain for an amazing job opportunity and break the chains further of those who would not relinquish their control.
My first step outside my comfort zone came by accident and was a small one, in an attempt to network in the fashion industry due to my Daughter’s interest to work within it, I signed up for an evening with an ex Harrods Stylist and realised that the way I dressed was also stopping me from moving forward in many areas of my life. We signed up for her course and yes colour, and fitted clothes were reintroduced to my wardrobe, I came to love rather than loath my curvy figure. I learnt how to dress for me and my figure and for different situations in my life.
I had always wanted to be a Lawyer, to help people, I never made and became a successful Contracts Manager instead, my job became my career, I did not think it was possible to do anything else despite it no longer sparking joy in my heart. I had boxed myself into a category and had started to believe I could not step out of it. I decided to challenge this and am now living my true purpose and nature by coaching those who want to step into their greatness. We all fall into the comfort zone trap and often do not realise that something is missing until the security is lost: whether this is the loss of a job or loved one, the children leaving home, a partners infidelity or that one day the feeling of unfulfillment just can’t be shaken off anymore. The feeling you are alone despite being surrounded by people. This leads me to one of the most difficult exercises of my life, identifying my tribe. I had always put family and friends first no matter how they treated me this was about to change. Instead, I questioned what each person brought into my life if it was supported they stayed in the inner circle if it was grief and negativity, I moved them out to the level of acquaintance. It was a very liberating exercise and one I have never regretted. I even changed their relationship and access levels on Facebook, in some instances blocking them altogether. In addition to this, I stopped comparing my life with theirs, to be honest in many instances although there were elements of theirs I may have liked in mine, I was not comparing like for like, in no uncertain terms would I have liked to take on their life in its entirety. I was choosing to let other perceptions and societal norms dictate where I should be in my life. I decided to be true to myself and remove those people and things that no longer sparked joy. My move to Spain for a Project was great for this, I had already sold my house and was renting as I could feel changes were coming into my life when I moved I sold furniture, artwork etc. that no longer sparked joy. It was a further liberating experience. You do not need to leap or take such drastic measures; baby steps work just as well, my situation needed such a drastic leap to break those controlling me and allowing me to be true myself.
At times life can seem impossible, as Audrey Hepburn says “the word itself says I’m possible”. Remember in every crisis there is an opportunity and you need to recognise it, this can be hard but as Einstein says
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity”.
Such opportunities can become more apparent when you visualise what you want, feel it with all your senses and with each determined action (no matter how small) you move towards a more fulfilled life. Remember you need to do what is right for you, this may not be the same as anyone else, however in understanding who you are and what you want from this life, you can start to step out of simply existing, settling for how your life currently is and start living, and if it makes you feel uncomfortable that is not a bad thing. Believe in yourself, be true to yourself and challenge yourself, be grateful for what you have, in doing so you may start to live life and attract your versions of heaven on earth. Without action you can not manifest your dreams however with each step, no matter how small, you step closer to fulfilment.
So what are you waiting for? If I can do it so can you. Find more empowerment tools and inspiration at AvalonSoul.